Tonight I am in tears over Dixie cups.
But let me backtrack..
I am wrapping up my first week back at work teaching third grade. It's been hectic and in the midst of all the craziness, we had Lochlan's Meet the Teacher night at his church preschool this evening.
When I sat down the other night to fill out a child information form in preparation for Meet the Teacher Night, the sadness set in. The form had typical questions like: What does your child like to play with indoors? Outdoors? Does he nap? Does he sleep through the night? etc etc.
The questions about playing were hard for me. In truth, Lochlan doesn't really know HOW to play with very many things. He has to be taught how to play, along with pretty much every other skill that other two-year-olds naturally acquire.
Lochlan started an ABA (applied behavior analysis) program this summer where he does 6 hours a week one-on-one with a board certified behavior analyst (BCBA). My husband's insurance doesn't cover ABA at all so I am waiting for my school insurance to kick in at some point to cover at least part of the cost. I don't even want to tell you how much we are paying each week out of pocket right now. It is sickening. HOWEVER, so far, I feel it is well worth the money. Our BCBA, Ms. A, (I'll call her that for privacy) is wonderful and I have seen some progress already in Lochlan's ability to focus and his imitation skills. Eventually, we will try to get him going for the recommended 20 hours a week but for now, M-W-F for 2 hours each session is all he can manage. I took him while I could during the summer, and now it is my parents who will be taking him three times a week. The other two days a week, he will be going to his church preschool. We hope that exposure to other children and participation in the fun activities there will be beneficial to his development and give him an opportunity to practice his skills.
Well, back to the school form. Lochlan doesn't know how to play with much and we continually work on teaching him to play with things like blocks and stacking pegs. He has some interest in puzzles but most of the time, left to his own devices, he will find a door on a dollhouse in a playroom and open/shut the door until someone diverts his attention. As for outside play, if I was being honest, I would have written that his favorite outdoor activity is chasing his shadow and laughing at it. Sigh. Instead, I wrote slides and splashpads, because he does like those too..Does he sleep through the night? Yeah, most nights.. Except for those random nights when he wakes up screaming uncontrollably for no apparent reason and it takes both me and Sachin working in conjunction over the course of 40 minutes to make him stop. (How? Usually a combination of Sachin restraining his kicking/flailing while I blearily sing a cover of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" that he really likes. That's how we roll at 3 am in KamathLand).
I decided to write a separate attachment for his school form so that his teachers in the 2 yr old room are fully aware of his special needs and the assistance he may require. Writing that attachment was really painful. Actually, it is hard for me to find words to tell you how extraordinarily painful it was. Writing down in detail all the ways my little guy departs from the norm HURTS. Acknowledging his poor motor coordination, his propensity to eat paint, his inconsistent napping, his complete lack of conventional speech, etc etc really made my heart HURT.
Did I write down positives about him? Of course. I wrote about how they will find him to be a peaceful, easy-going little boy. I wrote about his how joyful shrieks and delighted smiles are heartwarming when he is happy. I wrote about his love of music and how it is a great way to get him interacting and attending.
But my heart still ached. Tonight, we met his teachers at the school. They seem very friendly and kind. But the packet of information I brought home from Meet the Teacher night let loose another wave of heartache and concern. One of the items on the papers mentioned that we don't need to send sippy cups because they will have the kids drink out of Dixie cups.
Dixie cups? Lochlan has ZERO ability to do that right now. He doesn't know how to hold a cup, even a small one like that. He would only squish it or tip it over. And even if he managed to pick it up, he wouldn't understand how to sip water without spilling it all over himself.
I know that if I let his teachers know this, they will say it's fine to stick with his straw cups for now. But that's not the point. The point is that I feel that he is at an age where he should be learning these skills. And I don't even know how to really teach them to him. Yes, we will start by buying some Dixie cups and working on getting him to hold them. But I am anxious. And don't even get me started on the potty training handout they provided!
I truly have the anxiety of a special needs parent now. I LOVE my son and we see great qualities in him. But I worry so much that others will only see his deficiencies, his differences, and view him as a burden. I worry that others will be impatient and frustrated when he doesn't look at them, doesn't come when they line up, doesn't carry his backpack to his cubby, etc. I pray that his teachers this year (and in the future) are able to love him and that they are patient with him.
I once read a quote for teachers that said, "Every child in your class is someone's whole world." How incredibly true and how worth remembering. As a teacher myself, I know it's easy to lose sight of that sometimes, but as Lochlan's mommy, I can tell you that he is my world and I want him to always have teachers that are gentle and loving and appreciative of him. I urge all my teacher friends, now as we are starting a new school year, let's remember this quote and particularly for our special needs kids, our quirky kids, our "odd ducks," let's be compassionate and understanding when their parents seem overly anxious (because hey, I AM that parent now) and let's open our hearts to those kiddos. Not see them as an obligation, a test score, whatever. Let's remember to see them as someone's whole world.
Wish me luck on the Dixie cups, friends.
But let me backtrack..
I am wrapping up my first week back at work teaching third grade. It's been hectic and in the midst of all the craziness, we had Lochlan's Meet the Teacher night at his church preschool this evening.
When I sat down the other night to fill out a child information form in preparation for Meet the Teacher Night, the sadness set in. The form had typical questions like: What does your child like to play with indoors? Outdoors? Does he nap? Does he sleep through the night? etc etc.
The questions about playing were hard for me. In truth, Lochlan doesn't really know HOW to play with very many things. He has to be taught how to play, along with pretty much every other skill that other two-year-olds naturally acquire.
Lochlan started an ABA (applied behavior analysis) program this summer where he does 6 hours a week one-on-one with a board certified behavior analyst (BCBA). My husband's insurance doesn't cover ABA at all so I am waiting for my school insurance to kick in at some point to cover at least part of the cost. I don't even want to tell you how much we are paying each week out of pocket right now. It is sickening. HOWEVER, so far, I feel it is well worth the money. Our BCBA, Ms. A, (I'll call her that for privacy) is wonderful and I have seen some progress already in Lochlan's ability to focus and his imitation skills. Eventually, we will try to get him going for the recommended 20 hours a week but for now, M-W-F for 2 hours each session is all he can manage. I took him while I could during the summer, and now it is my parents who will be taking him three times a week. The other two days a week, he will be going to his church preschool. We hope that exposure to other children and participation in the fun activities there will be beneficial to his development and give him an opportunity to practice his skills.
Well, back to the school form. Lochlan doesn't know how to play with much and we continually work on teaching him to play with things like blocks and stacking pegs. He has some interest in puzzles but most of the time, left to his own devices, he will find a door on a dollhouse in a playroom and open/shut the door until someone diverts his attention. As for outside play, if I was being honest, I would have written that his favorite outdoor activity is chasing his shadow and laughing at it. Sigh. Instead, I wrote slides and splashpads, because he does like those too..Does he sleep through the night? Yeah, most nights.. Except for those random nights when he wakes up screaming uncontrollably for no apparent reason and it takes both me and Sachin working in conjunction over the course of 40 minutes to make him stop. (How? Usually a combination of Sachin restraining his kicking/flailing while I blearily sing a cover of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" that he really likes. That's how we roll at 3 am in KamathLand).
I decided to write a separate attachment for his school form so that his teachers in the 2 yr old room are fully aware of his special needs and the assistance he may require. Writing that attachment was really painful. Actually, it is hard for me to find words to tell you how extraordinarily painful it was. Writing down in detail all the ways my little guy departs from the norm HURTS. Acknowledging his poor motor coordination, his propensity to eat paint, his inconsistent napping, his complete lack of conventional speech, etc etc really made my heart HURT.
Did I write down positives about him? Of course. I wrote about how they will find him to be a peaceful, easy-going little boy. I wrote about his how joyful shrieks and delighted smiles are heartwarming when he is happy. I wrote about his love of music and how it is a great way to get him interacting and attending.
But my heart still ached. Tonight, we met his teachers at the school. They seem very friendly and kind. But the packet of information I brought home from Meet the Teacher night let loose another wave of heartache and concern. One of the items on the papers mentioned that we don't need to send sippy cups because they will have the kids drink out of Dixie cups.
Dixie cups? Lochlan has ZERO ability to do that right now. He doesn't know how to hold a cup, even a small one like that. He would only squish it or tip it over. And even if he managed to pick it up, he wouldn't understand how to sip water without spilling it all over himself.
I know that if I let his teachers know this, they will say it's fine to stick with his straw cups for now. But that's not the point. The point is that I feel that he is at an age where he should be learning these skills. And I don't even know how to really teach them to him. Yes, we will start by buying some Dixie cups and working on getting him to hold them. But I am anxious. And don't even get me started on the potty training handout they provided!
I truly have the anxiety of a special needs parent now. I LOVE my son and we see great qualities in him. But I worry so much that others will only see his deficiencies, his differences, and view him as a burden. I worry that others will be impatient and frustrated when he doesn't look at them, doesn't come when they line up, doesn't carry his backpack to his cubby, etc. I pray that his teachers this year (and in the future) are able to love him and that they are patient with him.
I once read a quote for teachers that said, "Every child in your class is someone's whole world." How incredibly true and how worth remembering. As a teacher myself, I know it's easy to lose sight of that sometimes, but as Lochlan's mommy, I can tell you that he is my world and I want him to always have teachers that are gentle and loving and appreciative of him. I urge all my teacher friends, now as we are starting a new school year, let's remember this quote and particularly for our special needs kids, our quirky kids, our "odd ducks," let's be compassionate and understanding when their parents seem overly anxious (because hey, I AM that parent now) and let's open our hearts to those kiddos. Not see them as an obligation, a test score, whatever. Let's remember to see them as someone's whole world.
Wish me luck on the Dixie cups, friends.
Thinking of you as school gears up again. I'm going to put that quote - "Every child in your class is someone's whole world" - on my desk this year as a reminder for patience. When I glance at it, I'll send good Dixie cup vibes Lochlan's way. :) And just think - even if it's not his year for Dixie cups, chances are he'll come home one day with something new he learned from being in that environment. Can't wait to read that blog entry and celebrate!
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